~ 16 Week Baby Belly ~



Even though I have lost about 20lbs this pregnancy thus far, I am still growing such a cute baby belly, at least me and my hubby think so. I'm able to start feeling the baby kicking and moving around. They call this "quickening". I had an OB appointment yesterday and everything went really well! My BP is the best it's ever been, not that I ever really had bad blood pressure, but it's lower than normal. I also just LOVE getting to hear the baby's heartbeat! It's my favorite part of the entire appointment.The last 17 weeks have just flown by! We only have 5 more months to go, yet I feel like we still have so much to do!

Pregnancy really is just so much fun and amazing! So much happens and changes with your body. It's really fun to see what is around the corner. There are some aches and pains and that's normal, however, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I actually, feel the healthiest I've felt in years! PCOS really takes a toll on your body, but it's amazing how "normal" I feel now that I am pregnant. I am really interested to see if my symptoms get a lot better after giving birth. I've been told this can happen and I am curious to see if I will be part of that percentage of PCOSers.

Our next ultrasound appointment isn't until February 7th. Normally, this is when we would be finding out the sex of the baby, but Kurt and I have decided not to find out. There are so few amazing surprises in life, so we are taking advantage of this one! We even have a special way of finding out the day I give birth too.

I love that I have given hope to so many other Cysters of mine! The trick is to not let negativity rule you. It's so incredibly easy to start feeling negative with getting BFN after BFN. These are the times when you need to focus on the positives of your body and cycles and hold on to those. Know and trust in your heart that you WILL get your BFP!! Being as stress-free as you can be helps wonders too.

Stay positive and keep believing fellow Cysters!  

~ We're Pregnant! ~

My Fortune!



Well, it's been a really long road! Lots of heartache, lots of bumps, but we never let it slow us down. One day, we got Chinese food when we both just felt like staying in. Well, I typically don't eat the fortune cookies as I am sort of a Fortune Cookie snob. If they don't have a touch of vanilla in them, I don't like them thinking they taste like cardboard. Well, something told me that I should open one and eat the cookie. I open it and the picture above is the fortune I got. Most of you know that Kurt and I have been trying for a baby for quite some time. The fortune gave us tons of hope as we were currently entering the two week wait.

Fast forward 12 days later..... a very good friend of mine told me that she had a dream about me being pregnant. I had some inkling that I might be, but after months of seeing negatives you tend to not want to test early. Well, something just told me to. So I took a test.

 This is the test that I took.



At first, I figured it was negative, but with a closer look, I swore I saw a second line. I immediately brought it out to Kurt and asked him if he saw a second line. He told me that he didn't see anything. Something told me to take it to work, so I did. I would continuously bring the test out of my purse and gaze at it. I kept swearing I saw a line. I texted my bestie and asked her if it's possible to want this so bad that I could go insane?!? I explained my predicament. She told me that I should call my doctor just to be safe. I called my doctor and told her that I think I got a faint positive, but wasn't sure. They had me come in ASAP for blood work.

This picture is of my arm after the bloodwork.

So the doctor called me later that day and told me that I was indeed pregnant! She said that my hCG levels were low, but that's most likely b/c it was still very early. I hadn't even had a missed period yet. So I had to go back every 48 hours at the exact same time and have my hormone levels checked. They were to rise at least 66% every 48 hours. Well, they exceeded that and then some!

All day, I had been trying to come up with ways to tell Kurt that we were finally pregnant! I decided to give him a blank card with baby feet in the front. Inside I wrote "We're Pregnant! Love, your preggo wife" Kurt sees the card and jokingly states "Are you trying to tell me something?", opens the card, reads it and with tears in his eyes, says: "No way!". I pull the positive digital pregnancy test out from behind my back (yes, I took one again when I got home... after 14 months to TTC, I wanted to see that "pregnant" for a change). I showed him the positive test, and he dropped everything, gave me the biggest hug and we sat there in amazement! We eventually just snuggled and daydreamed together about how happy we were to finally be pregnant!

The digital test I took and showed Kurt!

Kurt and I hadn't drank a drop of alcohol (not that we are big drinkers) since we decided to try for a baby. We have had an ongoing joke that as soon as we would find out that we were pregnant, we would go the the local Mexican Restaurant and Kurt would order himself a Modelo. That is one of his favorite beers. Well, the waitress we always ask for has gotten pretty close to us and she knew we were trying for a baby. Every time we'd come in, she'd ask "any news?". We finally told her that she would know when we were pregnant when we come in here and Kurt ordered a Modelo. Well, this particular night, we ordered our drinks.... she realizes that Kurt ordered a Modelo and she screams, hugs us and starts crying! This is why we love her! She then told the Manager and he came over and congratulated us! This is one of the reasons we keep going back. :)

Kurt with his Modelo!

We had our first ultrasound on 11/21/11 to make sure that everything was ok and whether or not I would be released from fertility care to a regular OBgyn. Everything was perfect. On to OBgyn care I went! So now came the big decision of when to tell our parents. We decided that we wanted to tell them all face-to-face. So we would tell my Mom, Cubby, brother and Kurt's family during Thanksgiving. We then told my Dad and Sister over Christmas. A very good friend of mine made personalized onesies for us as a way for us to deliver the good news. We had six of them made, one for my Mom, Brother, Kurt's Mom, Kurt's Sister, my Dad and my Sister. They all said something along the lines of "I love my Auntie", etc. On the back of them, they read "Coming in July 2012".  See pictures below.

Front of onesie.

Back of onesie.

At about 12 weeks along, we had another ultrasound of the baby. This was to check to chromosomal abnormalities. We opted to not have bloodwork, etc. We mainly just wanted the extra ultrasound in order to see our nugget. Our baby's heartbeat is always in the 150's, which is a really good and strong heartbeat according to my doctor. Our 12 week ultrasound was on 12/27/2011. It was incredible to see just how much our baby had grown in just five weeks!

Our nugget sleeping just like Mommy does!

It was a very long road. The road wasn't always easy, it wasn't always pleasant, but with many tears shed, snuggles and "I love you" kisses, we finally made it! We are currently in the second trimester and hoping our little nugget just keeps growing and staying strong. I still have worries, as any new mother does. I don't think I will ever stop worrying! I just make sure that I don't worry too much to hurt the baby.

I can't believe that I am going to be a Mommy!! It's absolutely an incredible feeling. I will never forget my difficult road. I am also constantly sending positive vibes and sticky baby dust to all my fellow Cysters and everyone out there struggling through infertility. I am hoping that they all get their little miracles one day!





~ UPDATE ~

Wow! It's been a really long time since I last posted on this blog! A LOT has happened! I got a job with an E-Learning company here in Cleveland. It's alright, not something that I want to do the rest of my life, but it's a steady paycheck right now. I don't really get along with any of my co-workers, but like I said, this is definitely only temporary! Kurt is kicking butt and taking names with his job! I believe he is on a fast-track to another promotion, which is nice. We definitely are on the goal of getting to Columbus area as that's what our original destination goal was.

Me and my Hubby!  

On October 4, 2011, I married Kurt and we had a gorgeous outdoor ceremony. We upped the date due to my Stepdad's recent diagnosis. We were married at Chagrin Falls here in Ohio. I searched online for a couple of spots, but couldn't find anything that came close to our original plan of Cancun. We both visited the Falls and just fell in love. It was very majestic.

CHAGRIN FALLS

We haven't been able to go on a honeymoon as of yet, but we are thinking we will do that sometime next year. Not sure yet if we are going to be doing another ceremony where I can have all my girls with me, like a vow renewal or not. I guess we will just have to play it by ear. All depends on where we are at that time. Who knows, we could be moving to Columbus, etc.

Next week, we are headed to Virginia to visit my Mom, Cubby and my brother for Thanksgiving! We can't wait to see them. Haven't seen them since the wedding. On Black Friday, we will be heading back up through Columbus and stopping to visit Kurt's family as well. This trip will be a great one! Can't wait to see all the family again. Won't get to see my Dad, Sister and Nephews until Christmas, but I am sure that the time will go by quickly.

Hmmm... other than that, I am not too sure what else to report right now. I am trying to be better about updating this at LEAST once a week. So sorry to my readers that I let it lapse.

Hope you have a great weekend!!!

~ Windy Roads ~

The picture of the road ahead is how I feel about my life right now. I just can't seem to find the straight away. So many things on my brain and I am feeling overwhelmed with everything. I am trying to find a job, I'm researching doctors to help keep my PCOS under control and get me to a place where Kurt and I can get our miracle baby, my family in Cali is looking to move here and then my Daddy ends up in the hospital. They don't know if he has cancer again or if it's a bad infection. I feel so helpless. I can't be there for them, I can't help them and make it better. It's such a horrible feeling to know that there is nothing you can really do to "fix" it. It's a blow to my ego that I can't find work. I am applying to job after job after job and still haven't heard anything.  I know that the economy is at a low right now, but it doesn't help boost me up at all. I wish I could just go to school and get my degree already so I wouldn't have to worry about work, but I just can't right now.

As far as TTC, we haven't been trying for that long, but it still weighs heavy on my heart everytime my cycle starts again. It shouldn't, I should be happy that I at least don't need meds to jumpstart it... but I can't help but feel sad everytime I see blood when I wipe. I don't know how women can go through years and years of this heartache. I keep trying to think "it's just not our time yet"... but anyone who knows me knows that I hate the unknown. I want to know if it will happen and approximately when it will happen. I'm incredibly impatient when it comes to things effecting my life. My Mom always told me that I'd meet my soulmate and my response was always "yeah, but when?". I don't know where I get this from, I just know that it's a hassle. I am thankful that I have a loving man that puts up with it though b/c it annoys me from time to time.

I am incredibly worried about my Daddy. When we were told he had prostate cancer, I didn't have a bad feeling. I just knew that everything would be ok. This time, however, I don't have that feeling. It's almost like I am numb. I'm not sure if it's b/c I also have so much going on or what, but I get incredibly sad when I think about it.

That's another thing, why am I so crazy emotional lately? I cry at the drop of a hat and I don't know what to do about it! I mean even shows and commercials have me crying and I can't figure out why. I am starting to get annoyed b/c the "puffy eye" look is just not flattering on me!

My sleep schedule went back to normal and is now back to crap again. I will be up until odd morning hours and then sleep all day long. I have no energy and constantly feel like I need to take a nap. I sure hope things start looking up and getting better soon... I miss the old Jennie. The one that was so bubbly, positive and upbeat all the time. Had all the energy in the world, etc. I hope she returns soon.

~ Money Woes ~

Kurt and I have been spending money right and left trying to get settled. Feels like the giving of money is never-ending. It's hurting me pretty bad being that I don't have a job yet, so no income. I am dipping pretty good into my savings and trying really hard not to. I hope that I'm able to find a job pretty soon and easily. The only thing is, will I get the pay that I deserve? I've been working in the Business industry for twelve years now. It's not what I ultimately want to do, but it's nice to have those skills to fall back on. I am very lucky that my Mom got me into business when I wanted to work vs working retail or fast food. I have skills to work in the corporate life and make a decent living while going to school. The thing is, I am used to getting a certain salary and I am scared that I won't be able to find that here or at least have the time to really filter out the lower paying jobs, etc. I also have to keep in mind distance and traffic patterns for when I start going to school at night. It's challenging because I just get so sick of working in a job that I don't want to do the rest of my life, you know? I want to be a Sex Therapist already! I know you're not ever supposed to regret anything that at one time made you smile.... and had I done things differently, I might not have ever met Kurt. However, there are times that I kick myself for not finishing school sooner. I got a taste of what making money was like and thought to myself how great that was... if only I knew what that would bring! LOL I know that God has a plan for me and I know that I just need to trust in that, but sometimes you just get a little impatient, you know? I also think about what if we get pregnant before I'd get a job. It hasn't stopped us from trying, but still. No one hires a pregnant woman, it's different if you are hired, work a while and then get pregnant... but still. My ideal job would be working for a college that gives their employees free tuition or even a break in cost. That way, I could work AND go to school at the same time without the added stress. I'm not really stressing out  now, I just can't stop worrying, really. I know it's not healthy, especially if we do get pregnant, but at the same time it's really difficult to NOT think about it when I have nothing to do all day but search for jobs. Anyway, I guess I should get back to job searching and stop this rant! Thanks for listening. :)

~ Our "In Limbo" Home ~

Well, we've made it to Ohio. We even found a great apartment located in Strongsville, OH. However, we aren't able to move in until the current tenant moves out. She lost her husband and is wanting to retire to Florida. Our expected move-in date is April 8th. I am hoping we get in sooner, it would be nice to spend my birthday in our new place. Until then, however, we are staying at the Candlewood Suites. Kurt's company is covering part of the expenses, which is nice. The picture above is the layout of our "In Limbo Home". It's nice, and I try to make it homey, but it's challenging. I do like that it's more like a studio/efficiency so we can cook, have room in our fridge for drinks, etc. It gets very blah and boring here though... very easily. The laundry room is free to all guests, which is nice. They also have a gym, I am thinking about starting to work out a little more so that once we move into our apartment, I won't die when we go to the Rec Center. We are going to get memberships at the town's Rec Center, it's AWESOME!

As far as the job search goes, I've been looking but really don't want to apply to anything until we'd get into our apartment. We don't have to be unpacked and 100% settled, but just there. I would feel better about leaving Gizmo alone during the day, etc. Right now, when I leave the room, even if just for a moment, he barks and I can't have that happening. I don't want to get in trouble or anything from him barking too much.

I just can't wait to start setting up our new home and getting things decorated the way that I like. I want to be able to have my furniture and everything. Not to mention, I'd really like to set up my Fertility Altar already. April 8th cannot come soon enough! Let's hope that the tenant leaves earlier and we can move in before April. Even though it would be nice to spend my birthday in our new home, I most likely won't be in OH for it. Kurt is being sent to Miami for training for work and I am here alone, so I might take a roadtrip to PA and visit family and friends. I haven't met my second nephew, Aiden yet. Not to mention, I haven't seen my family and friends in over a year, so that would be nice.

So glad that I was able to update my Blog. It was too difficult to do so while on the road. I hope that I find more and more time to Blog and update my followers. My goal is to write a new post once a week. For now, I will take what I can get. Have a great night everyone!

~ Moving ~

We have 6 more days until we head out on the road towards Ohio. To tell you the truth, not only am I excited but scared as well. I know no one in Cleveland. Yes, I have Kurt's family only two hours away from us, but this is the first time that I will have lived more than 30 minutes away from my family. In particular, my Mom. We are so close. I think it'll be a great learning experience for me and potential to grow more into the woman I am intended to be, but it's still difficult leaving. 

My doctor has restricted me to no lifting anything over five pounds. That is making packing and everything a little challenging. So far, Kurt has been great about helping, but I feel like I am just being lazy b/c I can't move what I've already done. I can't do laundry until he gets home to carry the basket for me, ugh, it's irritating. I do have to admit that it's somewhat nice b/c I have moved 29 times in my life (this move is #29), so I am tired of packing and moving. Honestly, there are bins that I haven't unpacked in four years b/c I am so used to packing and moving. It's sad really. I've told Kurt that this move is our 2nd to last. We will then move from Cleveland to Columbus and build our dream home, then I am done! I would love to have a house where our kids grow up in and return to during holidays, etc. I never had that but always dreamt about it. We always lived in a different house growing up. There are houses that I remember fondly, definitely ones that helped mold me into the person I am today. However, I never felt like I "belonged" due to moving all the time. I also feel that although it's easy for me to make friends, I do hold back a little and prevent getting too close b/c I am afraid I'm going to move again. I am hoping to break that habit when we move this time. I know we will be in Ohio the rest of our lives, we might just move from Cleveland to Columbus. Those cities are only two hours from each other, so it might help to make friends, b/c if we do move to Columbus, they will still be really close so I won't feel like I can't get too involved in the friendship.

Even through all my fears and anxiety about the move, I am truly excited to open this next chapter with my fiancé. Especially with the fact that we are driving across the country. Last time I did that, I was by myself in the car, just me and Gizmo. It will be fun to be with someone and entering new adventures while on the drive. I am sure they will make for some fun Blog entries, especially when it comes to Gizmo! Not sure how much internet access I will have, but I will try to write when I can.