~ UPDATE ~

Wow! It's been a really long time since I last posted on this blog! A LOT has happened! I got a job with an E-Learning company here in Cleveland. It's alright, not something that I want to do the rest of my life, but it's a steady paycheck right now. I don't really get along with any of my co-workers, but like I said, this is definitely only temporary! Kurt is kicking butt and taking names with his job! I believe he is on a fast-track to another promotion, which is nice. We definitely are on the goal of getting to Columbus area as that's what our original destination goal was.

Me and my Hubby!  

On October 4, 2011, I married Kurt and we had a gorgeous outdoor ceremony. We upped the date due to my Stepdad's recent diagnosis. We were married at Chagrin Falls here in Ohio. I searched online for a couple of spots, but couldn't find anything that came close to our original plan of Cancun. We both visited the Falls and just fell in love. It was very majestic.

CHAGRIN FALLS

We haven't been able to go on a honeymoon as of yet, but we are thinking we will do that sometime next year. Not sure yet if we are going to be doing another ceremony where I can have all my girls with me, like a vow renewal or not. I guess we will just have to play it by ear. All depends on where we are at that time. Who knows, we could be moving to Columbus, etc.

Next week, we are headed to Virginia to visit my Mom, Cubby and my brother for Thanksgiving! We can't wait to see them. Haven't seen them since the wedding. On Black Friday, we will be heading back up through Columbus and stopping to visit Kurt's family as well. This trip will be a great one! Can't wait to see all the family again. Won't get to see my Dad, Sister and Nephews until Christmas, but I am sure that the time will go by quickly.

Hmmm... other than that, I am not too sure what else to report right now. I am trying to be better about updating this at LEAST once a week. So sorry to my readers that I let it lapse.

Hope you have a great weekend!!!

~ Windy Roads ~

The picture of the road ahead is how I feel about my life right now. I just can't seem to find the straight away. So many things on my brain and I am feeling overwhelmed with everything. I am trying to find a job, I'm researching doctors to help keep my PCOS under control and get me to a place where Kurt and I can get our miracle baby, my family in Cali is looking to move here and then my Daddy ends up in the hospital. They don't know if he has cancer again or if it's a bad infection. I feel so helpless. I can't be there for them, I can't help them and make it better. It's such a horrible feeling to know that there is nothing you can really do to "fix" it. It's a blow to my ego that I can't find work. I am applying to job after job after job and still haven't heard anything.  I know that the economy is at a low right now, but it doesn't help boost me up at all. I wish I could just go to school and get my degree already so I wouldn't have to worry about work, but I just can't right now.

As far as TTC, we haven't been trying for that long, but it still weighs heavy on my heart everytime my cycle starts again. It shouldn't, I should be happy that I at least don't need meds to jumpstart it... but I can't help but feel sad everytime I see blood when I wipe. I don't know how women can go through years and years of this heartache. I keep trying to think "it's just not our time yet"... but anyone who knows me knows that I hate the unknown. I want to know if it will happen and approximately when it will happen. I'm incredibly impatient when it comes to things effecting my life. My Mom always told me that I'd meet my soulmate and my response was always "yeah, but when?". I don't know where I get this from, I just know that it's a hassle. I am thankful that I have a loving man that puts up with it though b/c it annoys me from time to time.

I am incredibly worried about my Daddy. When we were told he had prostate cancer, I didn't have a bad feeling. I just knew that everything would be ok. This time, however, I don't have that feeling. It's almost like I am numb. I'm not sure if it's b/c I also have so much going on or what, but I get incredibly sad when I think about it.

That's another thing, why am I so crazy emotional lately? I cry at the drop of a hat and I don't know what to do about it! I mean even shows and commercials have me crying and I can't figure out why. I am starting to get annoyed b/c the "puffy eye" look is just not flattering on me!

My sleep schedule went back to normal and is now back to crap again. I will be up until odd morning hours and then sleep all day long. I have no energy and constantly feel like I need to take a nap. I sure hope things start looking up and getting better soon... I miss the old Jennie. The one that was so bubbly, positive and upbeat all the time. Had all the energy in the world, etc. I hope she returns soon.

~ Money Woes ~

Kurt and I have been spending money right and left trying to get settled. Feels like the giving of money is never-ending. It's hurting me pretty bad being that I don't have a job yet, so no income. I am dipping pretty good into my savings and trying really hard not to. I hope that I'm able to find a job pretty soon and easily. The only thing is, will I get the pay that I deserve? I've been working in the Business industry for twelve years now. It's not what I ultimately want to do, but it's nice to have those skills to fall back on. I am very lucky that my Mom got me into business when I wanted to work vs working retail or fast food. I have skills to work in the corporate life and make a decent living while going to school. The thing is, I am used to getting a certain salary and I am scared that I won't be able to find that here or at least have the time to really filter out the lower paying jobs, etc. I also have to keep in mind distance and traffic patterns for when I start going to school at night. It's challenging because I just get so sick of working in a job that I don't want to do the rest of my life, you know? I want to be a Sex Therapist already! I know you're not ever supposed to regret anything that at one time made you smile.... and had I done things differently, I might not have ever met Kurt. However, there are times that I kick myself for not finishing school sooner. I got a taste of what making money was like and thought to myself how great that was... if only I knew what that would bring! LOL I know that God has a plan for me and I know that I just need to trust in that, but sometimes you just get a little impatient, you know? I also think about what if we get pregnant before I'd get a job. It hasn't stopped us from trying, but still. No one hires a pregnant woman, it's different if you are hired, work a while and then get pregnant... but still. My ideal job would be working for a college that gives their employees free tuition or even a break in cost. That way, I could work AND go to school at the same time without the added stress. I'm not really stressing out  now, I just can't stop worrying, really. I know it's not healthy, especially if we do get pregnant, but at the same time it's really difficult to NOT think about it when I have nothing to do all day but search for jobs. Anyway, I guess I should get back to job searching and stop this rant! Thanks for listening. :)

~ Our "In Limbo" Home ~

Well, we've made it to Ohio. We even found a great apartment located in Strongsville, OH. However, we aren't able to move in until the current tenant moves out. She lost her husband and is wanting to retire to Florida. Our expected move-in date is April 8th. I am hoping we get in sooner, it would be nice to spend my birthday in our new place. Until then, however, we are staying at the Candlewood Suites. Kurt's company is covering part of the expenses, which is nice. The picture above is the layout of our "In Limbo Home". It's nice, and I try to make it homey, but it's challenging. I do like that it's more like a studio/efficiency so we can cook, have room in our fridge for drinks, etc. It gets very blah and boring here though... very easily. The laundry room is free to all guests, which is nice. They also have a gym, I am thinking about starting to work out a little more so that once we move into our apartment, I won't die when we go to the Rec Center. We are going to get memberships at the town's Rec Center, it's AWESOME!

As far as the job search goes, I've been looking but really don't want to apply to anything until we'd get into our apartment. We don't have to be unpacked and 100% settled, but just there. I would feel better about leaving Gizmo alone during the day, etc. Right now, when I leave the room, even if just for a moment, he barks and I can't have that happening. I don't want to get in trouble or anything from him barking too much.

I just can't wait to start setting up our new home and getting things decorated the way that I like. I want to be able to have my furniture and everything. Not to mention, I'd really like to set up my Fertility Altar already. April 8th cannot come soon enough! Let's hope that the tenant leaves earlier and we can move in before April. Even though it would be nice to spend my birthday in our new home, I most likely won't be in OH for it. Kurt is being sent to Miami for training for work and I am here alone, so I might take a roadtrip to PA and visit family and friends. I haven't met my second nephew, Aiden yet. Not to mention, I haven't seen my family and friends in over a year, so that would be nice.

So glad that I was able to update my Blog. It was too difficult to do so while on the road. I hope that I find more and more time to Blog and update my followers. My goal is to write a new post once a week. For now, I will take what I can get. Have a great night everyone!

~ Moving ~

We have 6 more days until we head out on the road towards Ohio. To tell you the truth, not only am I excited but scared as well. I know no one in Cleveland. Yes, I have Kurt's family only two hours away from us, but this is the first time that I will have lived more than 30 minutes away from my family. In particular, my Mom. We are so close. I think it'll be a great learning experience for me and potential to grow more into the woman I am intended to be, but it's still difficult leaving. 

My doctor has restricted me to no lifting anything over five pounds. That is making packing and everything a little challenging. So far, Kurt has been great about helping, but I feel like I am just being lazy b/c I can't move what I've already done. I can't do laundry until he gets home to carry the basket for me, ugh, it's irritating. I do have to admit that it's somewhat nice b/c I have moved 29 times in my life (this move is #29), so I am tired of packing and moving. Honestly, there are bins that I haven't unpacked in four years b/c I am so used to packing and moving. It's sad really. I've told Kurt that this move is our 2nd to last. We will then move from Cleveland to Columbus and build our dream home, then I am done! I would love to have a house where our kids grow up in and return to during holidays, etc. I never had that but always dreamt about it. We always lived in a different house growing up. There are houses that I remember fondly, definitely ones that helped mold me into the person I am today. However, I never felt like I "belonged" due to moving all the time. I also feel that although it's easy for me to make friends, I do hold back a little and prevent getting too close b/c I am afraid I'm going to move again. I am hoping to break that habit when we move this time. I know we will be in Ohio the rest of our lives, we might just move from Cleveland to Columbus. Those cities are only two hours from each other, so it might help to make friends, b/c if we do move to Columbus, they will still be really close so I won't feel like I can't get too involved in the friendship.

Even through all my fears and anxiety about the move, I am truly excited to open this next chapter with my fiancé. Especially with the fact that we are driving across the country. Last time I did that, I was by myself in the car, just me and Gizmo. It will be fun to be with someone and entering new adventures while on the drive. I am sure they will make for some fun Blog entries, especially when it comes to Gizmo! Not sure how much internet access I will have, but I will try to write when I can.

~ My Body & Such ~

Well, last night I got a good night's rest. I am thinking that my sleep schedule/habit is finally getting back to normal! Usually, I cry myself to sleep. It's been a rough couple of weeks for me. I am really sad about moving away from my family, but know that this is a great learning experience for me. I've never been more than twenty minutes away from my Mom. This will give me a chance to grow more and for Kurt and I to become closer, although I didn't know that was possible! We will be two hours away from his family, but mainly it will just be us. Kurt tells me that it's me, him and Gizmo against the world. I think it will be nice for our "little family" to have some time to grow. It will take me some time to adjust, but ultimately, I think it's a good thing. I sure hope to make friends fast though, I don't know anyone in the area we will be living! That's a little scary.

Onto another exciting topic, my body. Seems that she's been in a bit of a rut lately and I don't seem to be on the same page. I used to know my body inside and out, and I mean the slightest twinge, I knew what that meant. Not lately though, it's as though I am being kept in the dark. I cry at the drop of a hat and can't seem to get a grip! It was brought to my attention that I may just be experiencing postpardum depression. It totally makes sense. I read up on symptoms and I meet a lot of them. It's taking my body some time to "heal", so I've decided to stop taking Metformin and allow myself to have a complete cycle on my own before going back on it. I am hoping that it won't take long for my body to "regulate" itself again. All-in-all, I am positive about my progress and getting better. I am thinking our road is going to be a little bumpy, but I can see the "finish line" (to quote a good friend), in the distance, which is a good thing. I am starting to gain my hope and faith again.

~ Sleeping Beauty ~

I feel like Sleeping Beauty, although I already have my Prince!! It seems as though I just can't get enough sleep. I can easily go to bed at 11:00pm on Monday night and sleep until 3:00pm on Tuesday afternoon!! That can't be healthy. I have thought that maybe I am sleeping so much it's making me tired, which can happen... OR... I am depressed and don't know it? It's possible, but I don't feel depressed. I feel happy, anxious and a whole plethora regarding the move, planning our wedding and everything else going on. I just don't know why I am sleeping so much. Could it be that I am "catching up" on the lost sleep from the past year? haha  All I know is I can't do this much longer. We have less than thirty days before we move and I have so much to do. I have to sort through all our belongings, take what we don't want to the Salvation Army store, I need to pack and all that jazz too. I am so tired of moving. I am 27 years old and have moved about twenty-nine times in my life. Granted, it was only two schools, but still. I think my Dad has some gypsy blood in him. I told Kurt that I don't want to move many more times. I'd love for our kids to grow up in the same house, with the markings on the wall of how much they've grown, etc. I never got that luxury and I feel there's something very special in the thought of growing up in the same house and coming back "home" for the holidays once they are in college, etc. I'm really hoping that I can kick this sleeping habit and maybe workout more or something in order to get more energy and nix this sleeping pattern.

~ Intro ~

Hello, My name is Jennifer and I started a Blog as a way to vent, share and a form of therapy. I want to write about everything and anything in regards to what happens in my life. So, it's more of like my own personal online journal that I want to share with all of you. I have a lot happen to me on a daily basis and thought it would be fun to share. So here is a little about me. I will turn 28 this April and am engaged to a wonderful man. We currently live in North Hollywood, CA but are in the process of moving back to Ohio. He is from Ohio and we chose to move b/c we are wanting to live somewhere that the cost of living is cheaper. We are also trying to start a family, so we want our kids to be raised with the same morals and values that we both grew up with. I grew up in PA and TX. When I was 6, we moved from PA to TX and then back to PA when I was 13. Then in 2006, my parents offered for me to move back in with them, go back to school and move to CA. I jumped on that offer right away. I've always had a pull in my heart to be in CA. Turns out, it was mainly b/c this is where I met my Soulmate. I've also made some pretty great, lifelong friends! I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) in December of 2009. It's been a rough journey, trying to figure out exactly what PCOS is and how to treat it. You can find more about PCOS in my PCOS info section. I am currently attending college as a Psych major, minoring in Sexual Studies. My dream is to be a Sex Therapist and work with couples, rape & molestation victims, self-image, transgendered individuals, teach parents how to comfortably talk to their kids about sex, etc. I've always love Psychology and had intended on studying Serial Killers and their behavior, much like the team on the TV show Criminal Minds does. However, that means no time for family, and since I've met Kurt, I'd really like a family... so I nixed that. I took a Sexual Behavior class and fell in love!! I asked the professor how I go about pursuing a Sex Therapy career and he told me the road I needed to take... so here I am! I will try and transfer to OSU or some other college in Ohio once we move, so my schooling is on hold for this semester. Good thing too, I needed a break. Well, I need to get back to more packing, etc. I hope I didn't bore you too much with my Into. I know parts of it are missing, but I will fill those in later. Also, anything you would like to know more about or more details, just let me know and I will gladly tell you. I am an open book. :) Have a great day/night!

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