The picture of the road ahead is how I feel about my life right now. I just can't seem to find the straight away. So many things on my brain and I am feeling overwhelmed with everything. I am trying to find a job, I'm researching doctors to help keep my PCOS under control and get me to a place where Kurt and I can get our miracle baby, my family in Cali is looking to move here and then my Daddy ends up in the hospital. They don't know if he has cancer again or if it's a bad infection. I feel so helpless. I can't be there for them, I can't help them and make it better. It's such a horrible feeling to know that there is nothing you can really do to "fix" it. It's a blow to my ego that I can't find work. I am applying to job after job after job and still haven't heard anything. I know that the economy is at a low right now, but it doesn't help boost me up at all. I wish I could just go to school and get my degree already so I wouldn't have to worry about work, but I just can't right now.
As far as TTC, we haven't been trying for that long, but it still weighs heavy on my heart everytime my cycle starts again. It shouldn't, I should be happy that I at least don't need meds to jumpstart it... but I can't help but feel sad everytime I see blood when I wipe. I don't know how women can go through years and years of this heartache. I keep trying to think "it's just not our time yet"... but anyone who knows me knows that I hate the unknown. I want to know if it will happen and approximately when it will happen. I'm incredibly impatient when it comes to things effecting my life. My Mom always told me that I'd meet my soulmate and my response was always "yeah, but when?". I don't know where I get this from, I just know that it's a hassle. I am thankful that I have a loving man that puts up with it though b/c it annoys me from time to time.
I am incredibly worried about my Daddy. When we were told he had prostate cancer, I didn't have a bad feeling. I just knew that everything would be ok. This time, however, I don't have that feeling. It's almost like I am numb. I'm not sure if it's b/c I also have so much going on or what, but I get incredibly sad when I think about it.
That's another thing, why am I so crazy emotional lately? I cry at the drop of a hat and I don't know what to do about it! I mean even shows and commercials have me crying and I can't figure out why. I am starting to get annoyed b/c the "puffy eye" look is just not flattering on me!
My sleep schedule went back to normal and is now back to crap again. I will be up until odd morning hours and then sleep all day long. I have no energy and constantly feel like I need to take a nap. I sure hope things start looking up and getting better soon... I miss the old Jennie. The one that was so bubbly, positive and upbeat all the time. Had all the energy in the world, etc. I hope she returns soon.
As far as TTC, we haven't been trying for that long, but it still weighs heavy on my heart everytime my cycle starts again. It shouldn't, I should be happy that I at least don't need meds to jumpstart it... but I can't help but feel sad everytime I see blood when I wipe. I don't know how women can go through years and years of this heartache. I keep trying to think "it's just not our time yet"... but anyone who knows me knows that I hate the unknown. I want to know if it will happen and approximately when it will happen. I'm incredibly impatient when it comes to things effecting my life. My Mom always told me that I'd meet my soulmate and my response was always "yeah, but when?". I don't know where I get this from, I just know that it's a hassle. I am thankful that I have a loving man that puts up with it though b/c it annoys me from time to time.
I am incredibly worried about my Daddy. When we were told he had prostate cancer, I didn't have a bad feeling. I just knew that everything would be ok. This time, however, I don't have that feeling. It's almost like I am numb. I'm not sure if it's b/c I also have so much going on or what, but I get incredibly sad when I think about it.
That's another thing, why am I so crazy emotional lately? I cry at the drop of a hat and I don't know what to do about it! I mean even shows and commercials have me crying and I can't figure out why. I am starting to get annoyed b/c the "puffy eye" look is just not flattering on me!
My sleep schedule went back to normal and is now back to crap again. I will be up until odd morning hours and then sleep all day long. I have no energy and constantly feel like I need to take a nap. I sure hope things start looking up and getting better soon... I miss the old Jennie. The one that was so bubbly, positive and upbeat all the time. Had all the energy in the world, etc. I hope she returns soon.
